Why Setting Boundaries Is Your Responsibility

Ever feel frustrated when your team doesn't follow through on your requests?

You even set clear rules but they don’t seem to respect them. Things like:

• “Please, send me a pre-read 24 hours before a one-on-one so I have time to prep.”
• “Please, give colleagues feedback directly instead of always coming directly to me.”
• “Please, don’t book meetings during “deep work” time in my calendar.”

As a leader, it’s your job to set clear boundaries—and this is different from making requests and setting guidelines.

I recently came across an intriguing definition of boundaries from Dr. Becky, a Stanford professor specialising in parenting. According to Dr. Becky:

A boundary requires the other person to do nothing. After all, it's your boundary, not theirs.

Wait, what does that mean?

Parents often tell Dr. Becky they're frustrated because their kids don't respect boundaries.

They say, "I told my child to turn off the TV, but they just won't do it."

Dr. Becky points out that this approach makes the child responsible for enforcing the boundary, not the parent.

Instead, setting a boundary looks like this:

"If the TV isn't off by the time I get to the sofa, I'll turn it off myself."

Notice how this requires the child to do nothing—the parent takes responsibility for enforcing the boundary.

This got me thinking about leadership.

Often, we recognise the need for change within our companies—whether it's about behaviours, making critical decisions, or meeting deadlines. We often set rules and expect our teams to enforce them.

Setting a boundary means that if something hasn't happened by a certain time, you step in and make it happen yourself.

The purpose of 'stepping in' is not to punish the person—it’s to protect the boundary.

Here are examples:

• “If I don’t receive an update 24 hours before the 1-1, I’ll have to decline the meeting and we’ll reschedule.”
• “When you have feedback about a colleague you haven’t given them directly, I won't step in until you talk to them first.”
• “If you book time in my calendar during my ‘deep work’ time, I won’t show up for the meeting.”

Remember, a boundary requires the other person to do nothing. You are responsible for setting and protecting your boundaries.

So, what does this mean for CEOs?

• Reflect on your boundaries. What are the behaviours you aren’t willing to accept?
• Take ownership. Are you expecting others to enforce these boundaries for you?
• Communicate clearly. Let your team know what actions you will take if certain expectations aren't met.

What boundary have you been trying to set that hasn't been respected?

And what can you do to protect that boundary in a way that requires others to do nothing?